C'est La Vie

Ok so the past week has been like an emotional/spiritual/metal roller coaster for me…and that doesn’t happen too often, not as serious as anything before anyways. I finally feel better since yesterday in my fajr salah and it felt like such a relief like I was finally released or maybe just knowing that He (swt) isn't displeased with me, beause sometimes we might do things that can deprive our hearts of Allah (swt)'s Mercy, Peace, exceptance of du'as or even worship and blessings in everyday life..

There was a time where I was totally ok and then everything in me started falling apart, and I do know exactly why and that made it even worse. I can’t even explain the bitterness that I felt about my own self. You know when you wish you were just a blade of grass or a leaf or anything but you –a human who earns the displeasure of Allah (swt) practically everyday of his/her life. Just like two days ago, I was only filled with bitterness about myself…lets just call it depression. For anyone who knows me personally you know you have probably never seen me like that except like two years ago where on 3 occasions I couldn’t speak to anyone normally because if I did I would have just broken down (I’m weird, I know…) but this time it was totally different and for opposite reasons, this time it was because of me.

I probably sound crazy and not making any sense at all because I’m not exactly stating what in the world I’m talking about. :) And I’m not going to say it either, no point I’m feeling better, but not 100% yet. I have a few things I need to do then I’ll be there. That includes moooooore recitation of the Qur’an, extra nafl Salah, more deep sincere du’as and laylatul Qadr inshaAllah.

(Just read this it's something like/along the line of what I'm trying to say.)

Anyways enough about that I just wanted to rant, here’s a list of things that I’ve been meaning to share with you on my blog.

• - My mum should be recruited by the FBI, don’t laugh I’m serious.
• - I passed my driving test last week alhamdulillah
• - I drove today for the first time after my test, in the rain (and it was no light shower) with my granddad and he was scarring me about everything. But I still love him.
• - My sisters are crazy and are going to drive me to the loony bin and I feel sorry for my self for being the eldest.
• - Our cow ran away from the farm. Let me make the story short as possible. It ran away after one of the workers scared it, and it’s a HUGE cow who is a major scaredy cat about EVERYTHING. Then my dad and others chased it, but it ran faster. Then it ran into some forest. A few days later they saw it come out, it came close to the farm, then ran back. Then after a few days later, my parents, our inspectors, and a few other men (white folks, the town ppl) oh and cops started looking because the cow started running on the road and umm they were the only ones who would be allowed to shoot it. See if my dad caught it then he was going to “zabiha” it wherever they found it, in front of the inspectors…but they didn’t catch it…no one did, the wild cow is now living in the forest. Oh and did I mention the cow is like $1500. Yeah.
• - My dad then cut his fingers (broke a bone and his finger tips were practically hanging) because of the barn that they were fixing (due to the mental cow that ran out of it destroying all in its path). Alhamdulillah no surgery was done, because it’s healing well. He just got stitches and it looks gross.
• - We were having baked beans with fries (chips, :) old England fav) yesterday and my dad asked me what kind of beans they were.

I said, “Heinz, with tomato soup.”
“No. What kind of a bean is it?”
(I have no idea what kind of bean) “uhhh a normal bean, you know beans…”
My mum says, “well it’s not kidney beans or the other types.”
(There’s other types?) “It’s white beans…the normal ones.”

• - We were having asparagus too and my dad usually boils them, but he asked me if we could steam them, I said, “Yeah but only for a few minutes.” I meant like 3 minutes, and they being gujis, cooked it for like 15 minutes. So the result was green mushy sticks that still tasted pretty good.
• - The blues clues guy is NOT DEAD. He didn’t go crazy and shoot himself.
• - Dreams are cool…
• - Mango milkshakes rule at iftar and so do McCain Smooth-eez.
• - Also I’m sick and tired of reading about all these debates about Sunni/Shia, Niqab/no Niqab, Mudhabi/nonMadhabi, etc, etc! It’s just mind boggling how some people can keep denying obvious things out of sheer arrogance and ignorance. I mean COME ON PEOPLE use what your Lord has given you and stop making black white and white black. I just keep saying, none of it is going to get 100% solved until Imam Mahdi/Isa (a.s) comes to this dunya, since many scholars of the past and even many of today’s are looked down upon and disrespected so freely. May Allah (swt) guide us all on the straight path and keep us on it especially at the time when death calls us. Ameen
• - I’ve decided not to care about getting married (which probably isn’t going to last long) it’ll happen when it happens.
• - I HAVE to start painting again, I have so many ideas I’m afraid of forgetting them now.
• - I need black inky pens for JAS, these girls won’t leave me alone about my “scribbles” they think it’s art.
• - I’m making pizza and wings for iftar today because my mummy said so.
• - I love the Kalimatan Nasheed (hadith) I can’t stop listening to it, so inshaAllah I’m going to buy it!!! I can’t wait.
• - RIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• - Remember me, my family and JAS in your du’as especially in these last blessed days of Ramadhan.
• - I’m running out of things to say…so I should stop before I go on and on about pointless things, but I think I’ve mentioned pointless things already…:)

Uhh if you don't know what RIS is click here.