Just as I promised, my post for people seeking to get married! This is Part 1, because it turned out so long and I know some of you see a long post and just don’t feel like reading it.
Well, I hope inshaAllah that it helps all the seekers out there. This first post is all about making du’a, because it all starts from there. Islamically we can’t date, “There is no courtship in Islam!” as many like to say, so how do you start looking for the right person? You don’t start with looking; you start with asking for the right person. We don’t know our future, who will come into our lives and heck, we don’t even know our very own selves, so why not ask the one who knows everything and all! Of course that’s Allah (swt), our Creator. And SubhanAllah, the beauty of it all is that He (swt) wants us to ask Him, so why not!
“Invoke Him only, making your religion sincere to Him” (Qur’an 7:29).
“And your Lord says, ‘Call on Me. I Will answer you [i.e., your prayer]. Surely those who are too proud to serve Me will enter Hell abased’” (Qur’an 40:60).
“And when My servants ask you concerning Me, (tell them) I am indeed near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls” (Qur’an 21:187)
“Invoke your Lord with humility and in secrecy” (Qur’an 7:55)
“So invoke Allah making your worship pure for Him” (Qur’an 40:14)
Anas bin Malik (r.a) relates that Rasulullah (s.a.w); said, “Du’a is the essence of Ibadah (worship)” (Tirmidhi)
Abu Hurairah’s narrated that Rasulullah (s.a.w) said; “Anyone who does not invoke Allah, will cause Allah to be angry with him.” (Ahmad)
He also narrated a Hadith in which Rasulullah (s.a.w) said, “There is nothing as venerable in the sight if Allah as du’a” (Tirmidhi)
Ibn Abbas(RA) narrated that Rasulullah (s.a.w) said; “If you ask, ask Allah and if you seek help, seek help from Allah.” (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)
He (s.a.w) also said, Du’a is a weapon of the believer, a pillar of Islam, and the light of the heavens and the earth” (Mustadrak)
Start making du’a for a good spouse now, even if you’re only 15 years old. I remember when I went for Hajj, my mother explicitly told my sisters and I that we had to make du’a for a good husband, and I was just disgusted. I said something along the lines of, “Ew! A husband? I’m only 15; I’m not getting married right now! That’s gross!” She told me it didn’t necessarily mean now, but it would be for whenever I did get married so that I wouldn’t end up with a bad husband. It made sense so I started making du’a for the perfect husband. Obviously my expectations changed as I got older and what not, but I didn’t stop with the du’as until the very end, and I’m still doing it (For my one and only of course).
So through experience I can guarantee that it works, alhamdulillah! I had a huge list of what I wanted my hubby to be like, I had all the details I could think of (don’t worry, I didn’t go too extreme), and I made sure that whenever I made du’a I would go through the whole list. Call me crazy, but having faith in Allah (swt)’s control of your life, is all you need. Alhamdulillah for me, I got my gift perfectly wrapped and made by Allah (swt), just the way I wanted, mashaAllah. But you know, at the end of the day, if someone did make their du’as and they didn’t get what they wanted, we must remember that Allah (swt) knows us inside out, more then we know ourselves and does things with His infinite wisdom.
Remember to make proper du’as with all its adaab (etiquettes, to read more on the etiquettes of making du’a, click here. You can make detailed du’as like these, “Oh Allah (swt) give me a spouse who is amongst those that you love and favour, who loves You and your Nabi (s.a.w), who will bring me closer to You, who will love me and make me happy for your sake, who will have taqwa especially in matters of our marriage, who has ilm of your deen, who’s family has taqwa, who’s family will accept me as their own, he/she who will me be the coolness of my eyes, who will help me become a better person, who will accept who I am, who is intelligent, humorous, romantic, caring, down to earth,, soft, loves to read, go out, have fun, play sports/games, etc, etc, etc, etc….these are just examples of what you could be asking for. You don’t need to go to extreme details, like asking for a spouse with certain features, hairstyle, etc. Now that would just be crazy.
Another great du’a to always say, married or not,
Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a’yun(iw), wa `j’alna li `l-muttaqina imaman.
Our Lord! Grant us spouses and offspring that wil be the comfort of our eyes, and give us [the grace] to lead the righteous. (Qur’an 25:74)
Here are some du’as I found from Sunnipath.com,
“Some scholars have mentioned that it is good to make the Qur'anic du`a, "Rabbana aatina fi'd dunya hasana wa fi'l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar." [O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire] (Qur'an, 2: 200), intending a suitable and righteous spouse with "fi'd dunya hasana" (good in this life).
This is taken from one of the more specific explanations of this verse, as mentioned by major imams of tafsir such as Khazin, though the most general meanings of good are understood to be primarily meant. [see: Hashiyat al-Jamal `ala al-Jalalayn, 1.161] “
“The best of duas are those that are heart-felt. Make dua from your heart, out of neediness and slavehood.”
Also from Sunnipath,
“Aum Alawi (Habib 'Ali's sister) went back home and our hearts feel like a piece is missing. She taught us girls a du'a/dhikr for a good spouse (actually, I'm not sure if it is specifically for a husband or for just a spouse in general, I never asked):
It's the ayah:
Rabbi innee limaa anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeer
[My lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me]”
I had also read this du’a but I found it in a book, but I can’t remember from which book…
Performing the Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja) also helps! It’s very simple, and you can read about how to perform it and what to read here.
Don’t forget to ask others to make du’a for you also, like your parents. Well, we know our mothers probably started making du’a for us from the moment, if not before we were even born, so that helps!
So what’s next you ask? Part 2! Keep a lookout for it! InshaAllah, it’ll be posted soon.